BLAH

I'm sitting here on the computer High Tech Center 2 at school since i have a 3 hour break between classes, and i'm suppose to be revising my essay that is only partially true the rest is just a load of bull crap i made up but sounds really awesome haha. I'm suffering from what is called brainfartoritis and cannot concentrate so i decided to blog instead and maybe it will get my creative juices flowing.

I feel like the people most important to me are drifting away and I know that it's all apart of life and it's going to happen eventually, but I just wish things weren't happening now. As great as everything is going with my photography and school, I'm not able to connect on a level with my friends that I used to. We are all at completely different stages of our lives and I feel VERY alone. This weekend totally isn't going to help either.

I am completely dreading this weekend everyone I know has plans with a special someone, I on the other hand have super duper awesome plans to study ALL weekend long. It's going to be great! I hate being the only single person in my group of friends i feel like such an outcast sometimes, and days like valentines day seem to only validate the fact that i'm an outcast more. Normally Valentine's Day to me is like any other day but this year it;s different and I wish I could say I didn't care but then I would be lying to myself because deep down I care a lot, a WHOLE lot; and I hate myself for it. It's not that i'm jealous i'm happy for everyone and I wouldn't want to make my friends feel bad which is why when situations like this arise I feel I have to exclude myself from them and just concentrate on me. Hence the studying all weekend long. I don't think I've ever dreaded a weekend more in my entire life which might be a little dramatic to say, but hey it's not like anyone is breaking down my door to give me flowers, candy, love letter, song ETC ETC so until that happens I am going to sulk and concentrate on school until this weekend is over and all the lovely dovey stories my friends tell me are through.

LIFE JUST BLOWS SOMETIMES!